We need to rekindle our bromance
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
