i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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