I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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