She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
