Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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