take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
