forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
