It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
