You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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