Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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