i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
