You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need to calm my uterus...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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