Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
