Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
