Can Purell be used as lube?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
