My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
