I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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