I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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