Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and she was petting her beer can
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
