Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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