I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
