Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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