I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
