i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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