STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
