we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
