ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
