He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
