Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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