Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
