we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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