I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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