my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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