So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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