Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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