The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
