Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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