We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
