I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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