the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
