Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
