i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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