FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
