Soap is not a condiment
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
