What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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