she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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