Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
