she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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