I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I am morally bankrupt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
