I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
