I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
