Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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