he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
