i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
