Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were trust falling into bushes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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